For millions of Americans, a sit-down meal with relatives during the holidays is not only a familial rite of passage, but also one of the most stressful times of the year. Barbara H. Fiese, a professor of human and community development and the director of the Family Resiliency Center at the University of Illinois, recently talked with News Bureau editor Phil Ciciora about the importance of family mealtimes and how to deal with holiday-related stress.
Why are family mealtimes important, especially during the holidays?
Actually, all mealtimes are important. They provide an opportunity to catch up on the day's events and foster a sense of security for young children. Over time, they cement strong emotional bonds with the entire group. During the holidays, they also provide a chance to catch up with others who you maybe haven't seen in a while, tell old stories and relive good times.
For some families, the holidays are the most stressful time of the year. What can be done to make family mealtimes a positive, healthy experience?
The stress can come from two sources: Unrealistic expectations and emotional strain.
In our interviews with families, we find that it's rarely the elaborate parts of holiday traditions and meals that people look forward to; rather, it's the simple things that are most meaningful and memorable. So if someone expects holiday gatherings to be grand events with elaborate trimmings, then there can be a sense of burden in preparing for the holidays. This can build up a sense of obligation to participate, which only adds to the stress.
One way to avoid this type of stress is to call the family together and identify the three things you really look forward to and the three things you really dread. See if you can either drop some of the things that you would rather avoid or at least get some help. You may be surprised that some of the things you feel an obligation to do no one else really cares about either.
The other type of stress comes from expecting there to be conflict or some type of emotional strain during the gathering. This can come about for a variety of reasons - long-standing conflict, people who just don't see eye-to-eye on a particular topic or mismatched personalities.
The part of rituals that make them meaningful can also add strain to the event, especially if you are looking for a fight. We can all recall events when you know when someone is about to "blow" because it comes at the same time every year or at the same time in every meal.
In these instances, sometimes just knowing it's coming can reduce stress. Other times it may be helpful to call the person ahead of time and acknowledge that this is something that occurs every year and see if there is a way to avoid the conflict this time around. Sometimes a change in location can also ease the strain.
How do regular family mealtimes affect a child's health and well-being?
What we've found is that families who practice regular mealtimes (four times a week) and, most importantly, have positive ways of communicating during their meals, have children who have fewer health symptoms when they have a chronic health condition and are less likely to become overweight.
We think this is the case for a variety of reasons. First, it provides a secure emotional base that children can count on, which reduces the overall amount of stress they feel if they already have a chronic health condition such as asthma. Second, when you are demonstrating genuine concern through talking about your day, we think it slows down the pace of food consumption.
There's the temptation, especially on Thanksgiving Day, to watch football at the dinner table while eating instead of socializing. Does watching TV at the dinner table set a good example for children?
Absolutely not. I cannot think of a single good reason to have the TV on while eating.
There are so many studies that indicate that watching television while eating is one of the worst things you can do as family. You tend to eat more, it prevents positive communication, and it exposes children to targeted food advertising that has been associated with obesity.
What impact on public health do family mealtimes have?
Shared family mealtimes have the possibility of being a strong public health message for this generation of young children. Just as we developed seat belt laws and bike helmet laws to protect our youth, protecting the 18 to 20 minutes it takes to share a family meal can not only protect children from chronic health conditions such as obesity, it also can improve their vocabulary, protect them from risks associated with drug and alcohol abuse, and provide a way for parents to keep track of what is going on in their lives. What could be a better investment in time?