Strategic Communications and Marketing News Bureau

How can we peacefully talk politics with people who have differing views?

Emily Van Duyn, a professor of communication at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, studies the effects of social, geographic and political polarization on human relationships and is the author of the book “Democracy Lives in Darkness: How and Why People Keep Their Politics a Secret.” Van Duyn spoke with News Bureau research editor Sharita Forrest about keeping discussions with loved ones and friends of differing ideologies civil when political issues are raised during holiday gatherings.

Are people avoiding political discussions in general more now than they were before because they are wary of other people’s reactions?

While the trends in people’s avoidance of political conversation have been consistent over the years, they are now more avoidant of discussing politics because it feels as though the stakes are higher.

The stakes may also feel higher because we see partisanship as representative of one’s social identification, morals and values.

If you are assuming one political party stands for certain morals and values and another party stands for a different set, it can hurt your perception of those who belong to another party.

That becomes more of an intense difference between the conversational partners.

How do romantic couples with differing political ideologies manage to coexist peacefully? Do they avoid discussing thorny policy issues altogether?

There are strategies that work well for different couples. If one partner really cares about politics and it’s a big part of who they are, then avoiding political discussion becomes detrimental because they are burying part of who they are and what interests them.

Talking about politics is a way for them to understand one another, particularly if those conversations are constructive and involve perspective taking and trying to understand core values and beliefs.

Conversely, avoiding political conversations can be beneficial for other couples, especially when partners’ political beliefs are not central to their identity. It can be helpful for them to keep the peace and not make their differences a bigger deal than they need to be.

For couples of differing ideologies, how does this affect their children?

What has been coming up in my research is that avoidance, while good for the couple relationship, can actually be very bad for the children.

My co-author and I found in a study that politically dissimilar couples are less likely to socialize their children to politics. If that means they’re not exposing their kids to acts of civic engagement, to getting political information or discussions, those kids become less likely to be politically engaged.

At holiday gatherings, some of us may find ourselves seated across from people who are our polar opposites politically. How might we discuss issues we feel strongly about without escalating tensions?

There’s no one-size-fits-all prescription. Conversations where you aim to understand one another’s values and perspectives can be important to maintaining relationships.

However, it’s important to think about whether these discussions are ones that you truly want to engage in. Is this something that could be constructive for both of you?

Are you both going to come to the table with the ability to hear one another in a respectful way and not to convince each other to change your minds, but to understand each other’s perspective? Convincing, persuading and debating are different from dialogue and understanding.

Try to identify what your boundaries are going to be in these conversations. If someone starts making disparaging comments that invalidate or are dismissive of a belief you have, then you might want to end the conversation.

In the event it doesn’t go well, have a phrase in mind to change the subject or exit the conversation, such as “Perhaps we should just leave it there,” or “I appreciate your sharing that, but this is not something that I want to discuss further.”

How might one respond when someone shares false information or inaccurate information?

There’s a difference between someone being uninformed and not having enough information and being misinformed and having the wrong information.

If someone has information that’s incorrect, research shows it can be helpful to correct it, especially if it comes from someone that they trust or perceive as credible. There are fact-checking sites that you can share.

Doing that respectfully and clearly and offering sources of information are helpful. But don’t make it high stakes. Again, it’s not a debate or a battle between you and another person, it’s just offering information that you see as correct, and they can take it or not.

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